Who are You Lord?, J.W.

I grew up in a Christian family. Ever since I can remember our family has met with the local churches. Yet it was by growing up here that I met the Lord for myself in a personal way.

My testimony is that the Lord Jesus sought me, even when I did not seek Him. He loved me, when I did not love Him and He received me when I did not deserve it. In my youth, I heard a lot about God. I was a good kid and although I heard we were sinners and that Christ died for us, I can't say that I had much appreciation or realization of what it really meant. As I got to be a senior in high school I was beginning to doubt the existence of God. This scared me because it went against everything that I was taught when I was growing up going to Sunday school every week. Although outwardly I would pursue other things such as school, extra-curricular activities or just being with my friends, the Lord would not let me go. Within me I would still wonder, “Is there a God?” I tried to forget about God, the church and the Bible but I couldn't. I realized all my struggling and striving left me empty. When I saw other brothers and sisters in the Lord I would realize that they had something I did not have. They were genuinely happy to give their whole life to the Lord and love Him with their whole being. Their witnessing caused me to utter a small prayer “Who are You, Lord? If You are real, You have to reveal Yourself to me. Otherwise I cannot go on this way.” Eventually it was in a mountain retreat with other high school students that the Lord revealed Himself to me. I went up more open to the Lord than I had ever been before. Through the speaking of the Word of God, I met the Lord Jesus. I realized that I was not absolute for God, but Christ was my absoluteness. I was a sinner and I knew it, yet God still wanted me and in Christ He received me. I felt as filthy rags yet simultaneously felt as white as snow before God. The Lord Jesus became a real and living Person to me. He wasn't just someone I heard about who lived 2,000 years ago, but He was real and present and lived inside of me. His mercy and love reached me even when I did not desire Him. That day I responded by giving my whole life to the Lord Jesus.

Now everyday I am on a spiritual quest seeking to know the Lord Jesus with other Christian brothers and sisters in the local church.

Christ in Me--the Hope of Glory

Through the ministry of Watchman Nee and Witness Lee I have been brought to what God cares for--Christ. As Christians, besetting sins often frustrates us or we are discouraged and disappointed by our lack of spiritual growth in the Lord. In my own experience I get to the point where I feel like giving up and I feel that everyone else will make it except for me. I try so hard to do the right thing, to not lose my temper, and to help others, yet it seems that eventually all my efforts are futile. Yet more and more I am realizing that God does not care to merely adjust my outward behavior but God desires to change me from the inside out. This one realization has been liberating to the uttermost. The ministry of these faithful brothers has brought me time and time again to realize that Christ is in me as my hope of glory (Col. 1:27). For example, just as a carnation seed has the genetic code to one day become a carnation blossom, I have realized that Christ has been planted into me to grow and develop and one day be manifested from within me (1 John 3:2). Just seeing this matter has helped me so much in my Christian life with the Lord. No matter how much I try and struggle to make the Lord grow, there is no way unless I just let Him as the seed in me have its way. I have been brought to enjoy the Lord and trust that in doing so His life will operate in me to do what I could never do or be.